An Image for Every Body

This is going to make some of you angry and for that I apologise but I can not keep quiet any longer. This post isn't necessarily about Celiacs but it is about our bodies so that counts right?

When did being slim become a bad thing? When? Seriously?

I know your first response is; pfft Laurie! Take a look at the media and at the TV and how REVEARED all the slim women are in the world. Maybe Elle MacPhereson is worshiped, but I, a regular gal living in the world today, am not.

As a woman of slight build, I am feeling more and more assaulted in the world these days. Specifically on facebook and other social media sites. I'm not allowed to share my thoughts on a pintrest post because I don't understand what it is to be a REAL woman because I wear an A cup and size 4 pants. I think that's ridiculous.

 I am seeing more and more posts that imply because I am the size I am that, I must be shallow, selfish and unhealthy. I must work out ALL the time, implying of course that I am abandoning my children in the process or that I DON'T eat and have a problem. I assure you, this is not the case.  

Slim girls can be healthy too. Fact.

Comments I hear from people are, "you're so lucky to be skinny" or when we are shopping and I am hunting for my size I hear a lot of, "show off". Would you prefer I buy a size twelve to make you feel better? Could you buy a size six for me? You buying a DD bra makes me feel insecure, can I voice that? No?

Please note that I am talking about size and not weight. I don't weigh myself, I encourage you to avoid the scale as well.

I think scales are for meat at the butchers and boxers at the ring....no one else.

My size has varied over the years - please see the "My Fat Ass Post" on this blog. After I had my second spawn, my friend Pat came to visit to see the baby, he took one look at me and said, "I thought you pushed it out already?" Then we laughed a bunch and I gave him a beer and the baby. My size went back to my normal-ish size after a time. How much time? I don't know. I don't care and frankly, neither should you.

You are the size you are and I am the size I am and that needs to be just fine.

If it's okay for some women to have curves and hips and a little flab under their arms, why is it not okay for me NOT to?

I embrace the, every woman for every body, everyone is unique and beautiful. I completely agree that we are all our own version of a goddess, I just don't understand why slim girls can't be included in that?

Why are we the enemy?

I know my size fluctuates as EVERYONES does and that is totally fine with me. I run when the weather is nice and go to yoga when it is not. I have been known to attend combat classes and throw in an Insanity workout every once in a while.

 If I don't do these things will I panic that I will become a bigger size and therefore hate myself?  NO! I work out because I like it. I love it in fact. I love the idea that I am strong, and healthy and can do a  headstand and throw a kick ass punch. I like that about myself. I'm sorry you don't. But for the love of GOD shut the hell up about it would you?

Of course, this may change. We are at the mercy of our bodies and one day, I may be twice the size I am now. Will I be as happy? I don't know that. I love being able to beat my kids in a race, do a cartwheel and hike up the side of a mountain with them. I like having the amount of energy I do right now. Would I have this much energy if I was twice my size? Maybe. Maybe not.

What I do know is that I am thrilled with what I look like just as someone who is twice my size is happy with themselves. The implication that I am this size because I don't eat, or don't eat what I want or obsess about my size is insulting.

Don't look in my grocery cart and I won't look in yours.

I read comments about famous singers or actresses and how skinny they are. "Eat a sandwich!" they say or "She's disgusting!" And you may think that but what right do you have to say it? Why, because Taylor Swift is slim, do you have the right to mock her or assume she has an eating disorder? She might have an eating disorder, but that's none of your business. It is no more your business than it is for you to question how many bags of Oreos Rita MacNeal ate to get to the size she was. It's none of your business.

Mind your own body and I will mind mine.

Let's just let it all go. Let's stop the caddiness and the back handed comments. Instead of teaching our daughters to hate the slim lady on the cover of the magazine, let's focus on her loving herself and being lovely to those around her, no matter what.

Kindness, soulful happiness and love of yourself are what matters, not your size, or mine. Let's stop talking about how we all look and just focus on WHO we are inside. Be happy, be whatever size you want to be and let everyone else be the same.

Why Am I hungry? Seriously?

Here we are, on an airplane at 35,000 feet. I am on vacation….well, I am supposed to be on vacation. But right now, I am on the verge of tears. Ah, fuck it, I’m crying. Full on weeping and thank god I have my lap top to write it all down or I might explode. Why am I crying? Well, I’m crying because I am frustrated, I am crying because I am embarrassed, I am crying because I am angry and I am crying because I am hungry. In my 37 years upon this orb, I have yet to find another response to those emotions other than tears. Don’t you dare think that I am some weepy emotional wreck, I really cry very little. I am not a drama queen and I despise those who cannot take things in stride. I, right now, cannot take things in stride.

 I am flying to Cancun to watch one of my favorite people marry one of my other favorite people. My favorite person of all, Trev is at my side and my children are at home with another fave, my wonderfully, supportive sister. I have a glass of wine, a lap top and a week of child free relaxation ahead of me.

So you may ask, Jesus, Laurie, could you be more of a fucking whiner? What the fuck?

 Quit crying for the love of God. What could you possibly have to cry about?

I agree and am going to stop crying quite shortly. I just need sometimes to wallow in my own self-pity. And that’s okay. Okay? So, let’s break this shit down and get to the bottom of my tears shall we? Won’t this be fun? Hey? Who ever said I wasn’t good to you?

Why am I frustrated?

Because despite the fact that I booked a gluten free meal on this flight 7 months ago when we booked, I don’t have one. The lady across from me has one, some guy three rows back has one but not me! I am frustrated because I confirmed my Celiacs on more than one occasion with the airline and the travel agent and yet, I sit here starving. I am frustrated because sometimes it fucking sucks to have Celiacs while everyone around you has a hot pizza or a Montreal smoked meat sandwich.

Why am I embarrassed?

Because now the people around me have heard the word CELIACS about fifteen times. They are trying to eat their food, enjoy the movie and start their liquor fueled vacation. Instead, they have heard me tell now, four flight attendants that I have Celiacs and need a gluten free meal. They heard me confirm with the flight attendant BEFORE TAKE OFF that I needed a GF meal, they heard me ask about it when the lady across the row got a GF meal, they watched as the flight attendants all stood around our row humming and hawing about who was going to give me the bad news and they had to watch my face as they tried to hand me a banana on a tray, as my gluten free meal. I’m not even REMOTELY exaggerating. They put a browning banana on a tray and tried to hand it to me like it didn’t see three other people get a cute little airplane box full of a “meal”. Now, the poor suckers in rows 15,16 and 17 are listening to me cry. I am embarrassed. The lead flight attendant has been loud and verbal and everyone from rows 6-10 knows that I have Celiacs. I don’t like making a big deal about my Celiacs. I beg of you, notice me for my cute shoes, my pretty face, my funny lines, my writing, my hair, my random 30 second dance parties, my need to tuck in the shirt tags of strangers…. but DON’T notice me for my Celiacs. EVER.

Why am I angry?

Because I asked and asked and asked and the flight attendants tried to pass off a banana on a tray as a “meal”. I am angry because they didn’t acknowledge me, they just shrugged from one to another, each of them avoiding the fact that I CAN SEE THEM and their awkward whisperings to each other about my lack of meal. I am angry because when the lead flight attendant came up to talk to me she shrugged at me and said, “I have nothing for you. The GF meal isn’t even that good.” And then when I refused the brown banana replied like I was a petulant toddler, “Oh so now you aren’t going to eat anything?” I am especially angry because when she shrugged and said loudly, “there is nothing I can do.” I had to reply, “You could apologise.” And she muttered, “I apologise.”

 I am angry because I did my part. I fulfilled my part of this bargain. I checked with the travel agent three times, I confirmed on the phone yesterday and I confirmed with the flight attendant before we took off. I am angry that no one else has to hold up their end of the bargain and its okay.

I am angry at myself for falling for it all. I should have known better. I should have brought something. Things like this have happened to me before and yet when the travel agent told me I was going to get a GF meal on the airplane I giggled in glee and shivered in the indulgence of it all. I fucking fell for it and I, of all people, know better. I just wanted it to go so well, I wanted it all to be so nice and worry free and yet, here I am, hungry, angry and frustrated and no one can do one thing about it.

Why am I hungry?

Seriously? You have to ask?

One flight attendant did stop and sincerely say, “Ma’am, please let me get you something to drink. What can I get you to make it better? I really am so sorry, I would be upset too if I were you.”

And I thanked her for saying that because if the “LEAD” flight attendant had said that, I would have thanked her for her honestly and moved on.

I hope that the resort does a better job.

Okay – so the resort did do a much better job. I had fantastic meals and lots of Gluten Free love. Of course, I was also three sheets to the wind by noon so they might have just fed me lay chips and pickles at every meal and I’m not sure I would have noticed.  I shall blog more about this when someone fills me in on the details.

I had a fantastic time and, despite conversations with three Sun Wing reps, did NOT get a gluten free meal on the return flight....shocker