Shame On You!

Have you ever felt like you missed a train that you didn’t even know you were supposed to be on?  Have you ever felt so completely out of the loop that you don’t even know who is in the loop? Have you ever sat with a group of friends and realized that there was a wicked party that you were not invited too? This is how I felt yesterday and to be honest, I blame all of you!

 There is an Amaranth in South Calgary… I know right? Who knew? I have a sneaking suspicion that SOMEBODY knew and (not to point fingers here but) I think some of YOU people (and by 'people' I mean assholes) knew. I think you ALL knew and didn’t tell me. Hurtful…

 It was the youngest spawn’s birthday this week and so she got to pick where we went for dinner. Well, I told her she could pick where we went for dinner but really what I was thinking was ‘Momma isn’t cooking tonight and in exchange, I will make you a stupid theme cake from scratch for your party on Saturday.’

 Julia wants to go to Montana’s because at six, the bigger deal you can make out of her birthday the better. Montana’s makes a BIG fucking deal out of your birthday. Seriously, the wisemen were more slack about baby Jesus being born. They haul out this GIANT helmet with horns on it and they all scream and sing and carry on with clapping and hollering and Julia was BESIDE herself with glee at this.

I do not wish to discuss how many people have worn this thing

 As a side note – I have mentioned this before but Celiacs can eat at Montana’s, you can basically have the chicken or the ribs but if you make it clear that you have Celiacs, they handle it very well. The manger comes over and chats with you too which always helps. I have never been poisoned there.

So we do the helmet and the yelling and because it is kid’s night, there is a guy making wicked ass balloon characters. Julia of course feels that we ordered this person for her and, because we are shitty parents, we didn’t correct her. Let the girl think she’s a Kardashian for a minute. Why burst the bubble? 

Does my kid ask for a dog or a butterfly? HELL NO! My spawn wants a PIG balloon becuase THAT''S normal.

 So dinner was good and we go to leave and I see it, shining in the distance AMARANTH HEALTH AND WELLNESS. I knew that there was an AMARANTH in the far north of our city but I had NO idea that there were two in Calgary.

 I ignore the protests of the children and force Trev to pull in. He immediately warns me that Amaranth might be closed. I yelled “Don’t jinx it!” as I started to jump up and down in my seat. He rolled his eyes, (he doesn’t think I saw him but he totally rolled his eyes) as he pulled in. I dive out of the car and saw on the sign that Amaranth closed at 8. Eagerly, I checked my watch to see that it was 7:59pm. Completely disregarding politeness, I leapt for the door. Should I have come back another day? Yup. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I just HAD to see what was in there.  Again, this is your entire fault for not telling me about this place before.

In my defense, I only went in to find People Food Perogies (which are God’s gift to Celiacs) but they had SO much more. They had everything from vitamins, to body care products to cereals and bread all Gluten Free and made for me. I was literally a kid in a candy store.

 The lady working could not have been more pleasant about our late visit. You would not know that we walked in thirty seconds before closing and if she thought I was an asshole, she didn’t let me know it! She even walked me through the store and helped me find some Quinoa.

(SIDE RAGE – the word Quinoa is pronounced “Keen- wa” NOT “Kwin – NO – wa”. Please pass this around because I might start to slaughter people if I hear it said incorrectly again).

 She acted like she had ALL the time in the world to let me look around. Bless her. And so I just kept looking.

Finally, I was looking at some yummy GF cookies when Trev caught my eye and silently mouthed the words, “You are being a fucking asshole.”  Once again, Trev wins the “Voice of Reason Award”. I finally dragged my sorry ass out the door with a promise that I would be back, certainly at an appropriate hour. 

Even though I suspect that you all knew AMARANTH was there and have had parties there and purposefully didn’t invite me, I forgive you. I can’t say that I blame you really because since finding AMARANTH in the south, I hence forth claim it as mine. Stick a “Freaking Celiac” flag in its front, because now I am in the loop, on the train and invited to the party. Go visit AMARANTH in South Calgary, but don’t be the asshole I am and go at closing.

PS – I can’t even tell you how awesome ‘A Freaking Celiac Flag’ would be. Someone get on that please…stat.